what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
