i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
