Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize