Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
