Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
