Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
