Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
