this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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