He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
