he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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