Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
