You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
