It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm getting married
To pizza
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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