too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
