I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
