Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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