You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
