He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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