I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
