i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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