Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
