fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
