david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
