I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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