are you still at the devil's house?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
