he shaved USA in his pubs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
