....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Less talking, more tequila
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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