plz talk dirty to me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
