ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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