u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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