dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
