This girl is more easily done than said...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
