Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
