It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
