at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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