I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
