The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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