i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
