last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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