did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
