His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
