I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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