Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize