The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
