He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
