can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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