So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
