there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
