..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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