I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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