Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
