The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
