all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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