i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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