I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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