i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
