mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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