Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
