): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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