I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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