Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We had sex on a dog bed..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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