do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
