So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
