Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is the high leading the old right now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
