So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
